I never forgot
by OreNoTameNi
Summary: "Switzerland has never forgotten the time when they were friends, although Austria has." -That was my inspiration. Supposed to be angst turned out something really different. A lot about how Switzerland's feelings are reeaally complicated - or something like that. Edelweiss/SwissAus/ Austria x Switzerland and a bit implied that Liechtenstein has one-sided feelings for her brother.


_I just read something said on Hetalia Archives: _

_"__Switzerland has never forgotten the time when they were friends, although Austria has."_

_Seriously!? Now I need to Angst. Even though I don't have the ability for that so it turned out real hopeful and happy and for you people.  
_

_But seriously, WHAT? No way, just think about the time in the store! Still…_

_**Disclaimer:**_ Hetalia_ is not mine, or rather, I will admit to owning it once you give me proof and an acceptable and clever reason for me writing crappy fanfiction about it._

**I never forgot**

Switzerland was watching someone from afar, being careful never to be caught while doing this. Yes, it was a habit of his, staring at his old friend. Or…I-It's not like he was his friend. O-Or had ever been for that matter! There was no particular reason for his frequently occurring staring-at-Austria-session. At all the annual world meetings, smaller meetings, he always stared, even just going to the border and staring at the beauty of the country "Austria"

But the truth was that there could be seen no difference by crossing the border, nothing happened, no overwhelming stuff, no nothing. It was the emotional and political matters that had caused all.

When he was staring at Austria, with his own life and…friends… He felt so lonely, so empty somehow. It made him want to just run away, lock himself up and cry. But he never did, cry at least. To think how it had been so long ago, thinking about what he no longer had, what he had lost – it was just plain painful.

In these moments of silent despair, there was always one savior – his dearest, his little sister, Liechtenstein. She was always there, letting him care for her, and caring for him in return, bearing with his shy, defensive and used-to-being-alone outwards personality. She made him food and gave him presents (never mind them being pink frilly clothes) as a sign of gratefulness he clearly hadn't even deserved. She was his angel, the one who lit up his day when nothing else could.

Lately a disturbing factor to his admiration of his little sister had been that in his dreams she had been replaced by flashbacks of that stupid show-off Austria, whenever she acted kindly or laughed he was also reminded of the same Austria and the worst was that when he remembered Austria smiling it just hurt so much, and this made him unconsciously for a moment blame his sister for a pain that she was in no way responsible for, which made him feel really guilty. He could just not forgive Austria for this.

The feelings he had towards Austria were complicated, in the very least. It was not entirely the hatred he claimed it to be, not the unquestionable resentment, but more like a combination of bitterness, longing, jealousy, melancholy and…lo- No forget that last part, sorry. The bitterness for him growing up to be strong, how he remembered those days when he had to carry the little weak brat home when he had been beat up by his now so dear "wife" and Prussia. He was bitter for Austria showing no awkwardness, gratefulness of all the times he had taken care of his wounds, no sign of even remembering those times, he didn't seem in the least bit bothered or guilty like Switzerland himself. He felt jealousy of what Austria had, a life and happiness, all friends and that damn _Hungary_ too, he was jealous of all this and back to the bitterness about how Austria had gotten it all even if he had been so weak, how he had people that loved him, cared for him and made him angry and smile, when He, Switzerland had nothing except for his lonely neutrality and drove everyone away(forgetting about the exception; Liechtenstein). But Austria never laughed anymore. The _longing_ to have Austria back, to either have him or be someone like him, the melancholy, of course of remembering his childhood, it made him sad but also kind of warm and happy. As long as he didn't compare it to the present – because then it just made him mad.

Switzerland just stared at Austria, having all these feelings and some more spinning around in his head, confusing him and keeping him from knowing that someone had noticed who he was looking at.

"…Brother"

It was his dear Liech that called out to him in a soft voice. He was startled and quickly turned his head away from Austria, back to his little sister, who was looking at her with big and sad eyes. She smiled slightly at her brother's face, expression, she could see the emotions hidden behind that stern look, and it made her feel sorry for him, realizing all the pain he was in. She was not as innocent and oblivious as people might think, judging her by her appearance and forgetting that she had been a country for a long time too and gone through a lot of hardships, growing her ability to understand other people. The one she could see the best was of course her beloved big brother, who had saved her on that day, despite of everything, and it was something she'd never ever forget. So she would smile for him, support him and do all she could to make him even the least bit happy, even if it might hurt her in the progress.

"S-Sorry Liech…Shall we go home?"

Switzerland managed to quietly utter this, still clearing his mind from all thoughts of Austria. Liechtenstein just kept smiling encouragingly and nodded silently. So, they started leaving together. It had been a world conference held in France, luckily enough not too far from home. They would take the train and be there in no time. But Switzerland had forgotten something important, he said, not telling what it was. Liechtenstein got the feeling that he was about to go to a toilet and weep or something like that, but she knew that it wasn't the case. She didn't know what the case was though, which was troublesome. She was told to go home alone, that Switzerland would come with the next train after her – so she better not miss her own – and by this she knew that something was horribly wrong. Her overprotective brother would never just like that tell her to travel _alone_ through the scary country of France, that was just not something he _did_. She worried deeply over what could be wrong with her brother now this badly, but really had no other choice than to follow his instructions. And so she left leaving Switzerland alone in Paris.

Switzerland actually had no idea what he was doing. Even if he'd actually have planned anything, or had the courage to confront Austria at all, the other nation would probably already have left. France was not his favorite place to hang around. And besides, it wasn't like today was different from any other day, he hadn't stared any differently than usual, no exceptional thoughts had passed through his mind and Austria had paid no attention to him. Everything was just normal. He kept walking in the corridor towards the conference hall, not sure if he hoped that Austria would be there or that he wouldn't.

So when he saw that he was there he wasn't sure whether luck had been with him or against him. Oh so definitely against him, he realized when he saw the crazy woman (Hungary that was) in the same space, the two of them engaging in an enthusiastic conversation about something irrelevant. Now there was no way Switzerland would ever have the courage to enter that room, or say a word to Austria. So he just kept standing there at the open door, staring, very much normally. But he stared for exactly two seconds too long. In the middle of their talk, Austria's gaze had wandered around the room, not focusing at anything before he noticed Switzerland. He came to a sudden halt in his speech, and a simple "oh" escaped his lips, noticing the intense stare of the Swiss. Hungary turned to look in the direction of the door-opening too but by the time she had managed that, Switzerland had quickly ran away, and was nowhere to be found.

This incident caused Austria to feel a bit uneasy for the rest of the day, this of course not escaping Hungary's always as sharp eyes.

"What is bothering you?" She asked.

"Oh, I shouldn't concern you about it, it is nothing serious." Austria answered without much thought.

He was greatly disturbed by Switzerland's constant strange and hostile behaviour toward him; he had no idea what he could have done to deserve such treatment from his neutral neighbor. Was it about the past? His memories of his youth had faded away quite effectively in the storms of his very busy and meaningful life, so he couldn't be sure. What had he done to Switzerland? He had a vague memory of interacting with him in his early days, before he became powerful, but that was it. He really needed to ask.

Hungary just hummed at his response and decided to ignore Austria's confusion and go back to their earlier conversation topic.

Switzerland had decided to do what he had always wanted to: go lock himself up and cry his eyes out like some kind of a love-sick idiot. N-Not that he was in love! He ran to such an idiotic place as the hotel room he had slept in the previous nights, due to these conferences usually taking up to a week, there was the hosting country's responsibility to take care of proper accommodation for all nights plus always one night after and before. Flights could have troublesome times, which were why these precautions were necessary. This time it turned out to be really lucky for Switzerland, since he wouldn't for the rest of the day have any energy to move, much less go home.

He called Liech and explained that he had to stay because he was feeling unwell, and that he would return normally the next day. Liech expressed her worry and offered to come back to France, but Switzerland declined this offer in horror, of showing himself this pathetic to Liechtenstein. It was of course all polite over the phone, but Liechtenstein could sense that something was wrong; being perfectly well able to guess the cause for it was Austria. Well, it really was too late to return so she'd just wait and comfort Switzerland the next day when he came home.

Speaking of Austria, he too had for a certain reason decided to stay one more night. No one knew this, not even Hungary, or France and certainly not Switzerland. Otherwise the latest one mentioned would have been home in the blink of an eye.

A very unfortunate turn of events was that they met – Switzerland and Austria that was, accidentally of course, just happening to be walking in the same corridor at the same time. They _were_ in the same hotel after all, so it wasn't that impossible.

Switzerland had somehow managed to cry so much that there was no more left, he had not even been sure about what he cried, he had felt confused and insecure, he had only known that the original cause of all of it was Austria. He had thought about things, he had only thought, for hours and had come to the conclusion that the one thing he had denied with all his heart, that he simply _could not _accept, had happened. Or maybe it had not been that recent, maybe it had been there for a long, long time. Well, it didn't matter really, the important thing was the worst – that He, Switzerland, had fallen in love with Austria, the Austria he despised or claimed to at least, the Austria he envied, longed for, dreamt about, cried for, hated, hated for _loving_, for having to be in love with such a person. You see, this was never his own choice, which must be realized, Switzerland would rather have fallen for _Prussia_, but it just_ had to_ be Austria. Of course.

Now, after a lot of thinking and crying and pitying himself – for obvious reasons – Switzerland was hungry and tired, he actually felt a bit ill too so his reason for staying was not really that much of a lie anymore, hopefully he would get better over the night though, it would be troublesome to travel if it got worse. How come he was sick anyway? He hadn't heard of any trouble back home, economically or otherwise? Perhaps it was only psychosomatic; yeah that was probably it… He was groggy and messed up when he got out of his room to go buy something in a cheap convenience store; he liked the food better from there than room service. It had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that France didn't stand for the meals while the stay and room service in such a good hotel was extremely expensive, nope. _Not at all._ He was walking to get to the elevator that would bring him to the reception (and from there out into the fresh night air that maybe would clear his mind to come up with a logical solution to all his problems) when he saw Austria.

Austria had actually been thinking about other matters, like the problem of his inability to reach Germany, and therefore to get home without getting lost and how displeased he once again was with the outcome of the meeting. But the moment he saw Switzerland all his earlier confusion returned, he was on his way back to his room after having been to a restaurant eating (cheap…but expensive-looking food).

Switzerland looked up and flinched at the sight of his former friend then turned his gaze back to the floor and sped up slightly trying to ignore the other. Austria stared straight at Switzerland and his reaction determined to talk this through with the smaller nation. When Switzerland walked past him – at an inhuman pace – he grabbed the right arm covered in his usual green clothing. His grip was firm and even if Switzerland tried yanking it away without even stopping he couldn't even free his arm at all. This way he was forced to stay and listen to what Austria had to say.

"…Switzerland"

The said nation just kept looking away and made a strange snorting kind of noise that probably was more of a sob. Austria sighed inwardly at this, he always had trouble reading the other nation, and what he thought.

"Please tell me what is wrong…"

_Why would you care? It's none of your business! Everything is. You are. Don't talk to me! Please understand that you're only making it worse._

Answers popped up in Switzerland's head quite fast, but he still stubbornly kept quiet and tried to pull himself away from Austria's grip, without succeeding. Now Austria was getting seriously pissed off and offended.

"Switzerland…You are being very rude"

_As if I care._

"Let me go" He finally said it, giving up on trying to forcefully get away.

"Not before you explain yourself, you must understand that this is very strange to me, your behaviour is"

Switzerland felt like crying again. _What the hell!_

"As if you wouldn't know, what you've done!," Switzerland half-shouted at Austria's face, by now furious of the other person's obliviousness.

Austria's confusion was real when he said that he really had no idea what Switzerland was talking about. At this Switzerland came close to laughing in desperation, but he managed to control himself somehow and just calmly and coolly said:

"Are you trying to say that you _seriously _don't _remember?_"

Austria shook his head slowly, deeply resisting the urge to say something like: "I am not just _trying_ to do that, I am pretty sure I just clearly said that"

Switzerland broke down, his knees betrayed him and suddenly he was there on the floor his right hand still up in the air in Austria's delicate, but surprisingly strong, fingers

"Wait! Switzerland, what is wrong!" Austria worriedly exclaimed this, afraid that Switzerland was injured and it somehow was his fault. He had no idea what else it could be, and it was really not-very-nice to have someone just collapsing like that at something you say. And what now? Switzerland was laughing, darkly and a bit like a maniac. Then it turned into something that was not even possible to decipher, it was either sobbing or the earlier described laughing or just random shaking.

"Do you even remember our friendship?"

Apparently it had been dry sobbing. Switzerland was now past the point of even denying the friendship, which he had done for some many years, now it didn't matter – if Austria really didn't remember – just when he had come to acceptance of all his feelings. He had just had to realize them and the same day get them crushed and rejected. Had he been that unimportant to Austria the whole time? Had Austria really only clung to him for personal benefit, not because their relationship was something special, or even anything? That was sad, really, extremely sad to think like that. Switzerland came to the conclusion that it was too late to back down now, and he should just sort everything out this evening.

Austria was now frantically digging in his mind for memories about the past, unable to find anything specific to tell Switzerland to calm him down. Maybe.

"Ah…I am sorry, but I only have a vague memory that such a thing has happened in the past" He replied trying to be as polite as possible.

"I see" Switzerland replied, a sad, smiling expression spread over his face. Also, he had finally found his tears again and now he was with much difficulty preventing them from starting to flow down his cheeks.

"And you remember?" Austria desperately tried to get the conversation to continue, he did not want to be left in any doubt about anything, and he was still extremely confused.

Switzerland hesitated before he came to the decision that he didn't give a fuck anymore and would just tell Austria everything and it didn't matter if he the next day would wish for himself to be burning in the deepest pits of hell as long as he now could empty his heart of all these emotions.

"…Yes…Yes, I remember it all so well, they're the most precious of all my memories, actually I've been disturbed by the fact that they're starting to overlap with my experiences of Liechtenstein (who I will by the way never forgive you for treating as you did). I dream about you almost every night, I stare at you at every meeting, I just treasure and miss all those times so long ago, I miss when you still used to laugh and be weak so that I could take care of you, when you still cared about me and held my hand, I just hate you for forgetting me and wish that it would never have ended. Austria…Austria, I _hate_ to admit it, and have no way near forgiven you for anything or accepted who you are, but I love you. (And hate you for that!)"

That…that was a lot for Austria to try and process, since even though he now could start to recall small bits of memories or something with a much younger Switzerland, nothing was clear and he could see that he could in no way care for Switzerland as he cared for him. What should he do?

Switzerland was least said overwhelmed when he felt Austria envelop him into a firm hug, actually it was more of an embrace. He could feel the warmth and inhale the scent of the Austrian but he didn't let his arms go behind the other's back. He knew what _he _must do and just wanted to enjoy the moment for as long as it lasted. As he did.

Austria's turn to be shocked came a moment later when he heard Switzerland's teary but calm voice.

"_Get away from me"_

He also felt the gun pushed to his side and immediately let go of Switzerland who looked very…weird…Still pointing the gun at Austria who started backing off a bit, even though he suspected that Switzerland wouldn't shoot him, he wasn't ready to risk his life (or perhaps he wouldn't die…he was a nation after all) or his well-being for the sake of that.

That was the reason Switzerland pushed him away.

"Why?" Austria asked.

"Because you don't mean it, and I don't need your pity. Neither do I want you giving me any false hope"

Switzerland replied like this, using much will-power to do so. But every word was true, even though that was not the whole reason; he knew that Austria too would be hurt if it became a long-lasting act.

And Austria couldn't really argue with it, he had no idea what had gotten to him and was actually a bit grateful for Switzerland doing what he did. He could have left the gun out of it though... Or no, it wouldn't have been Switzerland then, forget it.

"...Yes, that might be correct. I am sorry."

A silence followed Austria's comment, a very awkward one, where both would have just wanted to escape the situation. What to say? What to do? It was all so blurry. This held for nearly a minute until Austria decided to break the silence by asking the question they both were thinking about.

"So, what shall happen now?"

_It's really all up to you_, Switzerland thought.

"It's really all up to you" Switzerland said.

He was being perfectly honest for once.

Austria thought about it quietly still kneeling beside the sitting Switzerland, who had dropped the gun on the floor. He had felt a need to comfort the other and had hugged him because of that, but wasn't it pretty normal? He would have to wait and see. Spending time with Switzerland didn't sound too bad, and with time feelings might develop, but he knew neither of them wanted him to feel obligated to feel the same towards Switzerland, not yet, when he still couldn't remember why he should, and actually barely knew the smaller nation at all. But he knew there was _something_, something that intrigued him about Switzerland. So perhaps someday...

"Let's be friends."

He left the unsaid "For now" hanging around in the air leaving Switzerland hopeful when he returned to his room, dinner totally forgotten about.

Austria himself smiled a bit when he remembered something just before falling asleep.

The next day, Switzerland returned home just as promised, and apologized to Liechtenstein for possibly worrying her, telling her that he was better now and needed no medicines or other stuff. She wouldn't have guessed what had happened the previous night, if it weren't for the tiny rarely seen smile that Switzerland wore when he thought she wasn't looking.

It did make her happy to see her brother happy, but she wasn't really happy _for _him. She didn't know the whole outcome of his confrontation with Austria, but she saw that there was still hope. For her brother at least. She smiled at this thought.

Switzerland just smiled, first at his sister. Then.

_Perhaps someday..._

* * *

_Ahahaha~ So, yeah well...Leave a review behind you as a memento please! You can see from reading this that I really need to Improve. Constructive criticism would really help ya know?_


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